South Florida Amber Alert: Hospitality and Kindness

I was speaking to my new neighbor today. She moved here from Puerto Rico last winter and bought the foreclosed, run-down house next door.

I told her that we were planning on leaving Sunny South Florida at some point for a destination further north. I explained that that were a myriad of reasons for our planned departure (hot weather, cost of living, over-stuffed schools), not the least of which is our aversion to the culture and people of South Florida.

People in South Florida are uncaring jerks, for the most part. Anyone who would deny this is either in denial, or they are in fact one of those jerks. We come from the Midwest (Detroit) where people are actually friendly, and more importantly, neighborly.

In the five and a half years that we've lived in our home, we have extended every effort to build good relationships with our neighbors. No one has returned the favor. With two kids under our roof, we simply no longer want to be "missionaries" to this uncaring culture.

My neighbor, from Puerto Rico, stated that she actually thought that this culture was indicative of the U.S. as a whole. I told her that she couldn't be more wrong. In the Midwest, people are friendly, conversational, and neighborly. We sense it the second we step foot off of the plane in Michigan.

She told me that, where she comes from, the neighbors ask each other for help, hang out together, and aren't afraid to ask for "eggs or milk" when they've run out.

I laughed. I can relate.

I've gone to my neighbors for these things and received looks as if I were some sort of alien. We've invited our neighbors into our home on many occasions. Our immediate neighbors have lived here for 25 years and they've never received such an invitation from any other neighbor in that time. The irony is that our immediate neighbors are the "nicest neighbors" we have - and they are the couple from Brooklyn who always seem like they're yelling. The bar has been lowered.

In Tennessee, my aunt knows everyone who lives in her neighborhood, after only living there a couple years. I count myself lucky because I know about a dozen of my neighbors. Most of my neighbors don't even know each other.

Here's what I don't understand. If South Florida is so full of the Hispanic Culture, why doesn't it have more of an impact on our hospitality to each other? You would think that the Melting Pot/Salad Bowl of South Florida would be a better place to live, but it isn't.

Being "Spirit-Led"

Can being "Spirit-Led" be learned behavior? If one where truly led by the Spirit, wouldn't it automatically be spontaneous, authentic, and unique to the individual?

I was raised in a Baptist environment where "charismatic" was almost a bad word. Upon arrival in South Florida, we begrudgingly became a part of the Southern Baptist Denomination, where "charismatic" was an unspoken bad word.

When I read through the Baptist Faith and Message, I definitely noticed the ill-will that it held toward charismatics. I noticed this same ill-will as I read through the commentary in my John Macarthur Study Bible.

As much as I had no background involving the charismatic lifestyle/worship (whatever you want to call it), I found some of these arguments against it to be weak and reeking of personal bias.

Personally, I'd give someone the benefit of the doubt when they claim to be led by the Spirit - to a point. I'd also say that I'm probably skeptical of these people as well. But this is the conundrum in which I find myself - I'm skeptical, but desiring my skepticism to be discounted.

From personal experience, I've come to believe that in many instances, this Spirit-Led behavior is learned from others, rather than spontaneously given from within. This is unfortunate.

We had a guy going to our church a few years back that would stand in the front row with his arms raised, or sometimes lay flat down on the ground (face down) during worship. Some others in the church complained about his "behavior" citing the usual "Baptist/Biblical" excuse of his behavior being distracting from worship. I disagreed with this criticism, and expressed that his behavior was actually uplifting for me and aided in my worship experience. I wished that I could be the one dancing, raising my hands, and laying on the ground - but the truth is that the Spirit wasn't leading me to do it.

I sometimes look around at the crowd at our Mega-church and wish that the crowd were more into it. I've been to churches where the crowd seems to be totally disassociated with the worship to which they're being led. It makes me sad. Its true that most people find it easier to worship at a sporting event or a concert than they do at church - a depressing fact.

On the other hand, I've been to churches where the congregation is totally into the worship experience. I give them the benefit of the doubt that the experience of most of the individuals is sincere and authentic, but sometimes I wonder. Is it sincere, authentic, and spontaneous, or is it really just learned behavior from those around them? This possibility (and a strong one I suspect) makes me sad as well.

We went to a church a couple years ago where the pastor "prodded" the people into speaking in tongues, and told them what to say if they faltered. This seemed totally inauthentic to me and it was really a downer.

We also went to another church where one of the singers pulled out a Bible and spit out lyrics on the fly right out of the Bible. At the time, I found this practice awe-inspiring, but I've since learned that this is also a trained behavior/skill called prophetic singing. How exactly can you train someone to "sing prophetically"?

This is exactly what I'm struggling with. I want to believe that the Holy Spirit is alive and well in our churches, our lives, our worship, etc. I don't want to be a Baptist Kill-Joy. As Mark Driscoll puts it, I'd at least like to be a Charismatic with a Seat Belt. But I really struggle with people who are not able to just be themselves. This goes for people on both sides of the fence really. One of the joys that I find in Jesus is the freedom to just be myself, regardless of what anyone else may think of me. This is a joy and a freedom that many Christ Followers miss out on.

When I was a teenager, I went on an outing with the youth group from my church. When the invitation was given at the end of the event, every single youth from our group went forward to answer the call to the invitation. I was left sitting alone with our group leader, Sandy Jelsomino. She leaned over and asked me if I was okay, if I wanted to respond to the invitation. I told her that I kind of did, but I was turned off by the fact that most of my school-mates weren't going forward because of a change of heart, but rather because that was the thing that was expected of them.

At the age of 12 or 13, I'd already declared myself as the anti-hero that I still am today, 20 years later. I refuse to toe the line when it comes to my relationship with God. I'm going to do what comes naturally to me, while still stretching my comfort zone and being open to being led by God's Spirit. I don't want to be a stodgy prude, but neither do I want to be an inauthentic "Spirit-Led" person who's simply going through the motions for which they've been trained.

Christianese

Thanks to the Urban Dictionary......

Christianese:

Christianese is the language spoken by Christians. It makes no sense to anyone unfamiliar with biblical texts, but earns you major points in the eyes of other Christians, because it means your words are holy.

Darrin Patrick

A Different Perspective

I was recently given two job offers. While, in the past, I might have jumped at either one of them, this time I was forced to look at them from a new perspective.

As a part of the back-to-school / having kids plan, I am currently waiting tables at the Cheesecake Factory while my wife stays home with our two infants.

Generally, I am a morning person, and would prefer to work 7-3 if at all possible. But given the current circumstances, the gig waiting tables is actually quite agreeable. When given a "day" shift, I don't go in until almost noon, which is very helpful for my wife as she isn't left to fend for herself during the morning hours.

While at first my body was screaming "it's past our bedtime!!" every time I had to work late, after five months, I've finally gotten used to the routine of staying up late and even sleeping in a little.

My wife and I have always had separate health insurance plans because that was the least expensive option - let each of our employers subsidize our premiums individually. But now, as the sole earner for a family of four, health insurance premiums and the coverage they provide were a big factor in the decision making process. The difference between $300 a month and $800 a month is a big deal in our current budget.

Lastly, and perhaps the most important factor, was "Time Away from Home". My last job expected me to work six days a week and pull as many as 10 hours a day. Imagine my appreciation of a workplace (the restaurant) that doesn't want me to work more than 40 hours a week. Not to mention the complete absence of a commute. In my book, commute time counts as "time away from home".

Having a desk job (and back to back pregnancies) helped me to gain weight and reach a lifetime peak of 265 lbs. Not fun. After waiting tables for five months, I've lost 30 lbs - down to 235 lbs. I used to try to go to the gym at 5:30 am but it was nearly impossible.

As much as I hated to "go back to waiting tables", these job offers have made me realize that this is actually the right place for me to be at this time. It's hard to believe. My job is totally flexible, will allow me to go back to school, will provide pretty decent benefits, time at home, exercise, etc.

The Graff's: 1 City Furniture: 0

We took our non-functional recliner back to City Furniture as they directed us that they would "allow" us to re-select another piece of furniture for equal or greater value minus a restocking fee of $50. They gave me a form that would need to be filled out by the salesperson on the floor. The salesperson informed me that the guys at the loading dock wouldn't "take back our recliner" unless we also had a purchse order for the reselected piece of furniture.

This sounded a little fishy to me. I decided to call their bluff. At the back loading dock, the under-paid gentleman gladly took back the recliner, flinging it across the floor and ripping it in the process. I remarked on his treating it so roughly, and he exclaimed that "the furniture will just go to a charity, it won't be restocked." Apparently poor people don't appreciate brand-new furniture, and apparently the "restocking fee" is just B.S. That figures. Nothing would surprise me from this company at this point.

Now came the waiting game. Would they refund the money to our credit card? Or would they simply keep an in-house account open for us with the amount that we had spent on the recliner? I called our credit card company and informed them that we had returned the merchandise and we were expecting a full refund from City Furniture. (Hogwash, but worth a try anyways.)

Low and behold, yesterday our credit card statement arrived with a full refund credited, including the "restocking fee" that they had threatened to ensue.

Suck it, City Furniture.

Haves and Have Nots

Recently watched Capitalism: A Love Story by Michael Moore. I was struck by how similar the premise of the film was to the film, Food Inc. Basically, they both propose that the majority of the legislators and regulators in our government are those individuals who proved to be both greedy and immoral in the private sector prior to their public placement. Once they've left the private sector to join the ranks of our government, they basically look out for their own interests (financial) and those of their former business partners, etc.


Moore's movie was actually comforting to me though. Its nice to know that I'm in the majority. Its nice to know that we're not alone in the toilet bowl that is our recent economy, job market, and housing market debacle.



Its kind of weird living in South Florida, because there is still so much money surrounding us. Obviously, not everyone is struggling. We're still surrounded by fancy cars, fancy phones, fancy clothes, fancy cosmetic enhancements, fancy restaurants, and fancy houses.



Working at the Cheesecake Factory is surreal in itself. We've loved the CCF since we first discovered it in Las Vegas more than a decade ago. For us, it was the place we went to once or twice a year for special occasions. Even then, we still restrained ourselves when we went there because the bill can add up pretty quickly at that place. It's weird working there, and watching people, on a daily basis, blow their bill out without a blink - appetizers, drinks, (kids ordering Shrimp Scampi), multiple deserts, cappuccinos/espressos, etc. Not to mention that I see some families in there on a weekly basis. The kids are watching videos and playing games on their iPad while the parents are texting/surfing on their iPhones.



Of course, to put my life into perspective, I simply have to look at my own childhood in comparison.

• My parents didn't have a new car until I was about 14 years old - my wife and I have had new cars almost our entire adult life.


• My parents didn't have cell phones - we've replaced our home phone land line with two cell phones since about 2001, though we don't have room in our budget for smart phones or data plans.


• My parents didn't have a swimming pool - we've got an in ground pool with a screen enclosure.


• Eating out fancy for my parents (ie, Birthdays) was more like Pizza Hut or Ponderosa Buffet - for us, as I've said, would be the CCF.


• My parents didn't have Internet costs (and still only have dial-up) - while we have top-speed Comcast broadband at a reasonable $60 a month (sarcasm).

This is one of the reasons why I really enjoy reading God's Word. It makes me feel comfortable. God is pretty consistent about where He places His priorities in our Health and Wealth Worldview. Jesus, even more so. As a matter of fact, the Bible usually makes me feel guilty for not being more thankful for the things that I have been blessed with: a faithful and beautiful wife, two happy, healthy children, a leaking roof over our heads, a hefty grocery bill of wholesome and healthy foods, running vehicles, a job, health insurance, etc.

I'm glad to be one of the have not's - I think it will pay off in the afterlife, and I'm thankful for what we have.

Criticism and Negativity: A Case Study

Recently, I was told that my writing on this site has too often been critical and negative. Especially concerning churches and pastors.

I took it to heart.

Thought about it.

Prayed about it.

Then decided to look for evidence of it.

First off, as a child of the grunge movement of the early 90's, I am familiar with angst. Very familiar. By the time I was 18 years old, my relationship with my father was strained, and I fit very well into the atmosphere that Kurt Cobain, Eddie Vedder, and Tom Morello had created. During college I became a Christ Follower at 24 and basically did away with it, or at least shelved it.

With my experience of being a pastor at a failed church plant, its safe to say that the angst had somewhat returned. Or at least some sort of disillusionment. Maybe.

I started this site as an outlet for writing. Not an outlet for angst. Though I did start the site the day I left the church plant.

Our church field trips were done for a variety of personal reasons, which I've explained previously. Some may have seen them as critical, but that was merely a misunderstanding of the purpose of the endeavor. In the end, I learned exactly what I had hoped to learn, with a few pleasant surprises along the way. I think its easy to see why some may have misinterpreted both the purpose and execution of those field trips.

I called them field trips on purpose. I wanted to convey the sense that what I was doing was both elementary and for my own purposes, despite the fact that I was publishing my findings. By no means, did I ever intend for it to become a precursor to Jim and Casper Go To Church or http://www.churchrater.com/.

So I decided to go back and read all of my posts on this site. More than 300 of them. That's an average of one post almost every 4 days.

I was actually kind of surprised. I didn't see much of the negativity and criticism that was supposed to be there. There were a few instances of criticism, usually reserved for the likes of Ted Haggard (the pastor who slept with a male prostitute), Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson (because they couldn't ever just keep their mouths shut), and Gary Lamb (the pastor who slept with his female secretary). Actually, my criticism of Haggard and Lamb had nothing to do with their indiscretions but rather with their desire to return to ministerial positions. This is something that still touches a nerve for me.

The most recent blog post that I could find that contained what I would call a negative or critical spirit was Pastoral Blog Cliches on March 13, 2008. That means that I have been negative/criticism free more than a year! Wohoo! Ironically, the Pastoral Blog Cliches Rant was largely spurned by Gary Lamb's blog. I loved his preaching, but his blog had so many of these cliches that it drove me nuts. (And this was before he "fell.")

There were few times when I posted a video or even a posting or a quote from someone else that may have been critical. Usually, in these instances, I let them speak for themselves and kept my mouth shut. I take no responsibility, and neither should I, for something that was said by someone else.

That principal also applies to the comments left on this site. I don't think I've ever deleted a comment on this site. If I did, then it must have been pretty bad. Some people have left comments on this site wherein they've read more into my post than was really there. For instance, I've been accused, on certain posts, of being critical or negative, when it simply wasn't there. For these people, I would suggest that they look to themselves as the cause.

In some cases, commentators have literally started fights in the comments section. Once again, I'm not responsible for every nutjob out there who comments on the site. Religion is a combative issue for some people and they just can't resist. Especially so-called Christians.

But really, the comments that upset me are the ones that accuse me - the author - of being negative and critical where that clearly wasn't the case. Perhaps the post just hit a nerve with them and instead of reacting rationally or logically, they decide to start an argument out of it.

I don't know. I don't really care actually, truth be told.

I put quite a bit of thought into most posts before I publish them. That is why I sometimes have nothing to say at all, short of posting someone else's quote. Because I know when it is better to keep my own mouth shut.

I've given quite a bit of transparency on my site. I've told a great deal about my personal life, my beliefs, my experiences, my influences, etc. I've talked about food, books, relationships, missional living, music, religion, church, the Bible, friends, neighbors, etc.

I've poured much of my life into this site (metaphorically speaking) in the last 3 years. To hear someone say that my site was overly critical and negative really hit home with me. I don't want that to be my legacy. I'm not sure what I want my legacy to be, but that surely isn't it.

So I had to dig into my blog and find this negativity and criticism and remove it. I figured, that out of 300 posts, I might have to remove 10 or 20 of them.

I was wrong.

I haven't removed a single one of the 300 posts. I was actually surprised myself.

There were instances where I clearly could have worded a phrase better or more clearly so as not to be misunderstood.

There were instances where I could have simply deleted all the comments that were left (THIS BEING ONE OF THE MAJOR SOURCES OF NEGATIVITY AND CRITICISM ON THE SITE).

But I didn't. I've never deleted anyone's comments. Even when they attacked or criticized me. Why start now?

The posts that were overtly critical - Haggard, Falwell, Lamb, etc. - numbered less than a handful.

But I did find plenty of posts that were praising churches and pastors for various reasons, like preaching the Gospel, living Missionally, being creative, being generous, etc. Of course some of these posts were in reference to our own church, Church by the Glades, but I also commended many other churches including: lifechurch.tv, Epic Remix, Vintage Gathering, Flamingo Road Church, Relevant Church, the Faith Center, Calvary Fellowship, Harbour Church, Solera Church, Plantation Baptist Church, St. Bonaventure, Oakleaf, Revolution, Mars Hill, XXX Church, Oasis Church, Journey Church, Mosaic, Imago Dei, Metro South, Independence, and more.

I've talked about the evolution of the Church Field Trips and also the conclusions of the experience, which were both positive.

If I quit writing on this site right now, I think I might actually be satisfied with the body of work that I've completed.

In conclusion, I want to be clear that I believe that I definitely have the potential for negativity and criticism - I believe that that is an accurate portrayal of my personality. But I was genuinely surprised to find that much of that potential is restrained in the writing of this blog. In addition to the 300 posts that have been published, I've also got at least 30 drafts which have never been published. Some of these were withheld for reasons that should be obvious given the topic of this post - they were not fit for publication due to their nature, content, purpose, etc. In other words, I've got some posts which were not fit for publication and I withheld them.

I think that it is largely true that when I look at churches and pastors, I am definitely capable of thinking critically. Especially when it concerns money and sex, and a continuing desire to pursue ministry despite failing in these two areas while in ministry.

But in my defense, having only discovered so upon reading through every post on this site, I think that I am vindicated of the accusation that my site, and therefore I myself, am too critical and negative.

Different Types of Christians

Over the course of the past decade, I've come to notice that many Christians fall into certain stereotypes (at least from my point of view.) I myself am not immune to this typecasting, I'm sure, but it still amuses me to make note of these personalty types that I come across.



1. Shiny Happy Christian - This is the Christian who loves life and loves Jesus - and makes sure that it is known to all people at all times. They are never angry or cross, but always smiling, singing, and quoting scriptures. I've got friends, close friends, who easily fall into this category. They are always pulling verses out of their memory like arrows from a quill. They are always chiding me for my pessimism, lack of joy, and inability to constantly wear a smile. They make me think of the line from Happy Gilmore: "If I saw myself wearing those clothes, I'd have to kick my own a**." This is how I feel about the idea of becoming a Shiny Happy Christian - I'd probably have to kick my own butt.



2. The New Christian - Any smart Christian should be jealous of the New Christian. They are so full of hope, energy, optimism, and openness to teaching. Of course, this can have its downsides, depending on who is discipling them, if anyone at all. But still, who doesn't want to revisit their "first love" (Revelation 2)? The New Christian might not be full of knowledge, but they are full of emotion and zeal.



3. The Old Christian - Honestly, I don't know what happens to people as they've been following Jesus for quite some time. I've met some of the Godliest people, geniunely good people who seem to lose touch with reality as they have been Christians for an extended amount of time (years and decades). I don't get it. Sometimes, it seems like they've built for themselves a "religion" when the original foundation was nothing but Jesus and The Word. How does this happen?



4. The Anti-Social Christian - This is the Christian who is gung ho about all things Jesus, with one minor exception: the Church. The more organized/corporate the church, the further they want to be from it.



5. The Its All About Church Christian - "Come to my church, its really great. Probably better than your church. You don't go to church? You should definitely come to my church then. The preacher is a great speaker and the music is really cool and relevant." I love it when I tell someone that I am a Christ-follower and thier first inclination is to do the "Church Comparison." Ugh.



6. The Former Christian - They've been hurt in the past. Or they've just become lazy and "fallen away." They have a healthy appreciation of Jesus and His life changing ministry, but just don't seem to have any use for Him anymore.

WHO DID I MISS??

A worthless ministerial resume

In the past 10 years, my wife and I have never been less fired up about following Jesus. Through the roller coaster that is our life, our love for Jesus has remained a constant. After a decade, I can honestly say that that fact is a big faith booster for me. Our first love hasn’t flamed out or become lukewarm. The way that we show that love to Jesus has evolved, but it has never waned.

We have served the Body in a variety of ways over the past 10 years. We have stood outside directing traffic into worship services, held numerous Bible studies in our home, played in the worship band up on stage, worked with the tech team for worship services, helped to set up physical sets for worship services, visited friends in jail and on house arrest, been to hospitals and funerals a few too many times, held parties, meetings, and baptisms at our home, invited neighbors over to our home on numerous occasions, led Bible studies at church, at home, and even at work, preached sermons, evangelized on the street, at work, and just about anywhere else, been to one too many meetings, hosted youth group events in our home as well as chaperoning many youth outings, started ministries within the church, started ministries outside of the church, fellowshipped with many Christians from many different churches, etc, etc, etc.

The point is - we’ve been involved. Many people make the mistake of thinking that in order to get involved, you have to be called into ministry - as I said before, all Christians are called into ministry. You have to get over this mindset that getting a paycheck for “doing ministry” makes you any more important than those who don’t get paid for it. In fact, it may turn out to be the opposite. Jesus had quite a reputation for flipping the script when it came to our expectations and God’s reality. Especially in the transition between this life and the next.

If my wife and I were to pick up our roots, move elsewhere, and find a new church home, I wouldn’t expect to be able to write a ministerial resume for the new church showing how far we’ve come, with all of our experience counting for something. No. I’d expect to have to start all over again, building relationships, building trust, starting groups, hosting, ministering, etc. And any church that just wanted to see our ministerial resume probably isn't the kind of church that we'd be interested in plugging in to.

Here’s the bottom line: someone who hasn’t been involved in ministry can’t say that they’re being “called into the ministry”. They haven’t even been involved. If anything, they’re actually being called into living the life that all Christians are supposed to be living - a life of service. Remember, It’s Not What You Get, It’s What You Give.